I am trying very hard to wake up blissfully to a new day to have breakfast with smiling faces over the table to just sit down in front of the TV discussing about the program to talk about happenings over a cup of tea before sleep
I am tired of formal conversation at home the feeling of being a staff at home waking up listening to reports from work.. carrying the responsibility even...when I'm home. wondering around elsewhere... when I'm suppose to be home.
I am trying very hard to love the feeling of going home.
I know I've been hurt a little too deep this time. But I will be ok. I still believe things can be better. and of course, I still love my home very much.
This is my 100th post in this blog. I was praying for something very very meaningful to share. So, I dedicate this 100th post to my dearest little brother. I love you very very much, and so do Jesus Christ.
Never stop BELIEVING, miracles are just one little faith away.
hm...I think the frequency of me falling sick is real high.
well, here are some of the common reactions: Jo: Why are you so weak? Next time how to take care of me? Mom: Why you didn't take good care of yourself?? Sure eat out everytime lar!! Grandma: Neh!! Always busy lor..go out everyday..late late come back! Dad: Go eat Yin Ciao San+Sang Ju Yin+Er Chen Tang (Chinese Herbs)
the most beh-tahan comment will be from most friends: I TOT YOUR MOM RUNS AN ORGANIC HEALTH CAFE AND YOU DAD IS A DOCTOR?? (ofcz in a sarcastic tone)
First of all... I need to clarify this. I fall sick because yes my body is not as strong... I was the healthiest child among my brothers when we were young. Hospital visits were part of their childhood but not mine.
Things started to get worse when I was 12. I caught up with a serious cough but neglected it for a long time. Until I was vomiting phlegm and rushed to the hospital, diagnosed with serious bronchitis. Stuck in hospital for 5 days, injecting all sorts of antibiotic ruined my health ever since.
Then, things get better when started jogging and playing basketball during secondary school. Another bed-ridden incident struck when I was down with unknown viral fever, just before entering uni. Another doses of antibiotics... immune system went zoom down again.
Then... my health condition has never recovered. Sinus problem every morning, eczema skin problem, slow healing wound, abnormal spinal cord curvature, breathlessness, odema problem... you name it.
I felt ashamed of my weak body. Telling people how to eat healthily...yet falling sick almost once a month. I know I've been smashing my own signboard, as the chinese saying goes.
I have to clarify that... if I were to do what I preach, I would not be like this. So my problems are: 1. I sleep late. Very late. Liver detoxification runs between 11pm-2am. I sleep at 3am. All toxic substances accumulate in body hence.
2. I don't exercise. AT ALL. I used love exercising, now I'm just pure l-a-z-y.
3. I seldom eat in my own health cafe. really RARE. cz most of the time I'm out somewhere else. then I love eating out.
4. I am very stubborn. I only take vitamin pills when Im already very sick.
5. I failed to manage my time. I made myself too busy at times, either not eating or over eat. Stressed over many things and worry too much.
I know there are more, but those are the most obvious ones. So the conclusion is, I did not put in any effort to improve my health condition. My resources are plenty, my dad is a chinese medicine physician & healthy eating consultant, my mom runs an organic health cafe, my mom's academy is fully equiped with detox sauna, lymphatic drainage machines..etc etc etc...
SO friends, It is totally absolutely my problem.
I am the most stupidest person in the universe. LAZY & COULDNT BE BOTHERED.
Well, in order to "safe my signboard". I have to be really dedicated to make things right. I'm writing it down becaus I want myself to take it serious. What good testimony can I potray if Isucced in all things but lying on a bed with tubes all over me?
1 Peter 2:24- Jesus Himself bore our sin in His body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righeousness. By His wounds I have been healed.
She's just 16. I really need to motivate myself. The thing is, it has been a week after finals...and I'm still living on a messy life. Hah ;p Days are not entirely meaningless, you know what I mean? It's that kind of "unsettled" feeling that is bothering me. Yea, maybe I'm much lucky than those who fall into the "jobless" category straight after uni. I have a secured job, good money I suppose, of course a very bright future, I suppose. Mom promised me 2 months break. 2 months, I am free to do whatever I want...and then? It's like "you better enjoy the freedom now" kinda feeling. It's not that I don't enjoy working with my family business...I've always been working there anyway.
I don't expect anyone to understand...cz I never really tell my true feelings. Dreams run wild in my mind...and stay there. I don't understand why am I so afraid to talk to my parents about what is really inside of me. When I was young, daddy & mommy are my biggest support, my safest fortress. As I grew up, I start to sense that they have expectations on me. Of course, I love them very much. I don't wanna make them unhappy. The pressure on me is sometimes very hard. The pressure of being the one. The pressure of being a good girl.
Sometimes... I felt that I am being a bit fake in front of them. After much struggles inside, I know I will do it. I do it, because I love you.
geez... Staying awake at night makes me emo. nvm... so just let me go wild for 2 months. heee haa~~